look no pants
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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