exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
