He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
