found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
