dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I could fuck to npr.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
