i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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