Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
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my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
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