If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
