What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
