those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
