so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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