If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
