You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
found the other keg... it's in the tree
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
