u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
