is your mom at the bar?
Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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