i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
