My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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