I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
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