Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
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