Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Randomize
