Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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