Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
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