his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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