Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
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