i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
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