hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
