Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
