My sheets look like a crime scene.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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