i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
