So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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