I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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