Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
