You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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