Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
