Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
My vagina is very pro this idea
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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