Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
