pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
