I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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