remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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