She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Randomize
