trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
