remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
