i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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