Why are handjobs necessary in class?
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
