What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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