you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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