Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
