i barfeds in our rink
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Sober January is a disaster.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
