There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I think people are normalizing furries
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