remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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