My sheets look like a crime scene.
I just cut my nipple shaving
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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