What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
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You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
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it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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