this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.