I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
19 Cringe-worthy Bachelorette Party Texts
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
The 23 Worst Things That Have Happened After a One Night Stand
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?