Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
29 People Confess The Worst Example Of Dirty Talk They’ve Ever Heard
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
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Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO