You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?