I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!