Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
25 People Reveal The Creepiest Kids They Went to School With
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
17 Subtle Body Language Signs That Reveal A Lot About Someone
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere