I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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