She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
