Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
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