I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
