I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
